Barbie Perkins-Cooper, Author

Tag: illness

  • What is Christmas?


    Dearest Readers:

    Christmas is more than gifts, socializing, drinking, partying and  simply having fun. Christmas is the season where we appreciate Christ and all that He represents. To those who are atheists, I say, it is a fact that I believe in Christ and Christmas and I strive to appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. I do not write “Happy Xmas” on packages or on Christmas cards. I write Merry Christmas. I believe in leaving Christ in Christmas.

    While you are busy shopping for just the perfect gift for your loved ones have you ever caught yourself singing aloud some of the Christmas songs you hear? I confess, I could be one of those people singing the lyrics while shopping.  I simply adore singing. I know most of the Christmas songs by heart, especially those related to the reason for the season. “The Little Drummer Boy,” “Oh Come All Ye Faithful,” “Silent Night,” and so many more. Those songs touch me, filling me with the spirit for the holiday season.

    But, I ask you — What Is Christmas? Is it simply a time to shop for everyone you know, in hopes they will exchange a gift with you? Is it a time to bake Christmas cookies, cakes and other delicious and too tempting foods? Is Christmas a time to open your home to others, in hopes they will be envious of your beautiful home? Is Christmas the time to brag to others about extreme holiday vacations and gifts? Or, is Christmas the time to celebrate and give thanks for religion, freedom, family, friends, and the birth of Christ on that first Christmas Day?

    For me, Christmas is a time to remember holidays past. I remember my grandparents and how they instilled to four granddaughters that Christmas time was a time to attend church, to pray, to sing and to give to others, without expecting a gift in return. Christmas is a time to say thank you and to be appreciative for  every gift, even IF it is a fruit cake or something handmade. I remember receiving chocolate covered cherries, fruitcake and cookies. I smiled and said thank you. Our Christmas time was a time where we did not recycle these gifts to others. We kept them.

    One of my most commemorative gifts was when I was about 15. A family friend who was more of an uncle than a friend, built handmade jewelry boxes for all of us. When I opened it, I noticed how shiny and beautiful it was. I had nothing to put in it, but I still have that special handmade jewelry box sitting on my dresser. I store my collection of pearls in it and I still cherish it. I do not have other gifts I can remember like this precious, special jewelry box. Isn’t it funny how something handmade still is cherished!

    After last Christmas I learned something valuable due to illness. I was much too ill to rush around like a maniac, or to drive in such a rush, and I was much too weak to bake Christmas goodies. I suppose in all of the hustle bustle of the materialistic, commercialized season, I learned that Christmas is indeed a special time.  I caught myself going to a special window more, folding my hands in prayer, just like my grandmother did. When Christmas morning arrived, I didn’t rush to see what was under the Christmas tree. I rushed to give my husband a hug, but not a kiss, since I was so ill. I think I learned to appreciate the little things of Christmas last year, and when we went to dinner at one of our friend’s house, I don’t think I hugged anyone, for fear of spreading my germs. There is little I remember about Christmas Day 2012, due to illness, but I was  thankful for friends, family and the true reason for the season.

    I made a promise to myself during Christmas 2012, a promise of not getting so wrapped up in the season that I would forget the true meaning of Christmas. Now that I am able to write again, I will attempt to write my beliefs for Christmas, and I hope you, my readers, will share your comments and traditions with me. Many of my traditions have changed over the years, but I still strive to share the memories made during my childhood. The traditions of church and singing in the choir. Still, I am searching for a church within my community and when I find it, I will retrieve the traditions I shared as a child.

    Christmas is a season to refresh, give thanks and make time to find the little things that are so special in life. We, as a family, donate to local charities during Christmas, and I always contribute to St. Jude and other non-profits. Of course, I always reach to donate to the Salvation Army bell ringers, Meals on Wheels and others. My contributions are small, but they always warm my heart, just to share a bit of generosity and love to those who need help during the Christmas season.

    To all of my readers, I wish you a joyous Christmas season. May you take the time to appreciate life, and not get bogged down within the Christmas rush. Take the time to say Merry Christmas to a complete stranger, and smile! Have a Merry, Merry Christmas!

     

     

     

  • Reflections At Christmas Time


    Christmas   Is…

     Dearest Readers:

    Yes, it is the Christmas season. A time to give thanks and be appreciative for all that we are, and all that we have. A time to celebrate the birth of CHRIST…a time to recognize that IF we did not have the ‘birth of Christ’ as the reason for the season, we would not be celebrating Christmas.

    Perhaps that is one of the reasons for this editorial. I cannot tell you how many times I hear good wishes, such as “Happy Holidays.” My response is a quick, “Merry Christmas to you too.” On one occasion while shopping, the employee look stunned at me when I said, “Merry Christmas.”

    “We can’t say that,” she replied. “We can only say Happy Holidays.”

    “But…this is America. The land of the free. We can express anything here in America.”

    She looked down at the floor. “We can only say “Happy Holidays.”

    I recall when I worked in the retail sales industry and we were told it was better to say “Happy Holidays,” than to express “Merry Christmas,” after all, we did not want to offend anyone. The philosophy at the department store was that Happy Holidays covered all of the holidays. Still, I expressed, “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,” covering both. I didn’t care that I might offend someone. If they were shopping for the holidays, then I wished them a Merry Christmas.

    I remembered my grandmother and how furious she got when she read “Merry Xmas.” “That isn’t Christmas,” she expressed. “They’re leaving Christ out of Christmas.” As a child I didn’t fully understand what she was saying. Now older and wiser, I do understand and I make certain I write Christmas, not Xmas. I will not leave Christ out of Christmas.

    I do not believe that I am the most religious person in the world, but I do believe in Christ and I believe I am a Christian. I do my best to be a good person, and to treat others as I wish to be treated. Of course, I am human, and at times, I am just a bit opinionated, as you will read in this epistle! Yes, I am a feminist and an advocate against domestic abuse of all types. I look for the good in everyone and I believe that everyone in life has a purpose; however, I believe that when we make mistakes, we must admit them, apologize and rise above the controversy or pain we caused to others. Everyone deserves a second chance. We must make the most of every day and live life to its fullest. I attempt to treat everyone as an equal and I do not understand that IF America is the land of the free, where we can express our words freely, then we should be able to keep Christ in Christmas, and by saying Merry Christmas, there should not be any offense to anyone.

    Let’s consider Christmas:

    C – Christmas, a time to Celebrate and to share our love with others. Most of all, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of the Christ child. A time for change and growth within our lives.

    H – Hope. Something our entire world needs now more than ever. Hope for the future. Hope for peace.

    R – Reflection. A time to reflect on who we are, where we are going, and what we are doing in our daily lives.

    I – Integrity. Everyone needs to strive to have more integrity for ourselves, and for others.

    S – Salvation.

    T – Time. We need to share more of our time, especially quality time with our loved ones. We need to make time to shut down the technology and to share quality time without interruptions.

    M – Making the most of each day while recognizing that life is short and we should appreciate those who are important in our lives.

    A – Adoration. Appreciation.

    S – Simplicity.

    Last year, during the Christmas holidays, I was sick. Dreadfully ill with acute bronchitis. My body lacked energy. Every breath was a struggle. My oxygen level was ‘less than 85,’ and I was told to get plenty of rest. Resting was not a problem. Throughout the day, I rested in bed, watching Lifetime and Hallmark channel Christmas movies until I could almost recite the dialogue of each movie. When the phone rang, I ignored it. I told my friends to simply let me rest. I suppose it is easy to say I basically shut the world away as I drank coffee, took my pills, coughed my head off, struggled to breathe and to rest. I was miserable. My precious schnauzers could not understand why they were tucked inside the gated community of the breakfast room while I sauntered ever so slowly towards the bedroom. Housework was ignored. My stove actually got so dusty I could write my initials on it. My Christmas holidays were a time of reflection. For weeks I wondered IF I would ever get well. What did I learn during this time?

    Life is precious. It is to be cherished with those we love and we should make the most of every day we live. After all, we never know when the wheels of life may turn and we never know when Father Time may start ticking away. Last Christmas, I didn’t shop, at all! My life and health was in a fog, so I learned that Christmas should not be a time to rush around. It is a time to reflect and to appreciate.

    Christmas time is a great time to change our lives. To celebrate and appreciate our loved ones, freedom and the belief and faith we have.

    So many of us get wrapped up in the hustle, bustle of the holiday season. We rush to get to the next social event. We rush to get our families prepared for the holidays, and we rush to complete our shopping. Maybe we should slow down and appreciate life.

    How many times have you seen the actions of someone during the Christmas season? The rushing in traffic. The rudeness of others? Yesterday, a driver that was behind me in a torrential rain storm decided I wasn’t going fast enough in the center lane. He drove so close to me that If I had to slam on my brakes, he would’ve rear ended me. I tapped my breaks lightly, to give him the message to back off. Instead, he swiftly changed lanes, cut me off, then tapped his break. Yes, he sent me a message and I hope wherever he was headed in the rain storm, I do hope and pray he made it without causing an accident.

    It is my perception that we should slow down and appreciate life, especially during the Christmas rush season. Perhaps while shopping, we could stop and smile at someone. How many times have you noticed someone with a frown on their face? Maybe if you said hello to that person it might change their perspective. Have you ever visited a nursing home at the holidays? There are so many people there who never have a visitor and during the Christmas season they do not receive mail, phone calls, or visits. These residents deserve to have a happy holiday season. I have added a few to my Christmas letter list and I enclose a Christmas card with the letter. My hope is to put a smile on someone’s face during the holidays. After all, Christmas is the reason for the season.

    My Christmas wish for all of you reading this is one of simplicity. May you appreciate your family and friends while taking the time to realize Christmas is a time to share your love to others and to man kind. May you never get so busy with the demands of your life that you forget to smile and say hello. May you not over indulge with the spirits of the season, the foods, and the gift giving that you forget the true meaning of Christmas. May you stop for a moment, inhale, exhale and say, “Merry Christmas” with a smile on your face.

    Merry Christmas to all, and may God bless us – EVERYONE!

    Little things mean a lot, especially at Christmas.

     

     

  • Caring For A Sick Baby — Our Little Maltese


    Dearest Readers:

    To those of you who read my blog regularly, you recognize what an advocate I am for animals, especially rescued dogs. We are the proud family with five dogs, four which are rescues. Yes, they are expensive to keep up and care for, but words cannot express how fulfilling it is to see them grow under our care. Last month, Shasta, our aging Maltese, and Shakespeare, our oldest mini-schnauzer had their wellness checkups. We were concerned about Shasta because she has a slight growth on her nose. Our vet checked it. According to the reports, she has a slight cancer of the nose, so we are treating it with a medication. We must administer the medication — two pills every three weeks – with gloved hands. Upon giving her the pills, mixed with peanut butter so she could swallow them easier, I could not help wondering if I had to wear gloves to administer the medication, just what would these pills do to a tiny less than seven pound Maltese. Last week Shasta received her second dosage. Yesterday, I noticed how lethargic she is, lying around, barely moving at all, and she refused to eat her food. Knowing she must have fluids, I managed to get her to lick ice chips. When my husband got home, I shared with him my observations of how weakened she is. He tried to coax her to eat. She turned her head, locking her mouth. At dinner time, I had leftover mashed potatoes. Phil scooped a few bites of mashed potatoes on a spoon, and Shasta opened her mouth to eat – a bit.

    Later, I noticed her blankets were soiled, so I placed fresh towels around a pillow so she could rest comfortably in the breakfast room. We managed to get her to drink ice chips again, deciding to leave her alone for the evening.

    This morning, Shasta went outside to potty, flopping down in exhaustion. I’ve spoken to the vet’s office and this was anticipated. They reassured me we are giving her the proper care and this too shall pass — just like it did with the first dosage. Gathering all of her blankets and bedding to wash them, I placed a pillow inside a plastic container, a nice red blanket over it (her favorite) and I have Shasta resting next to me while I write and do laundry. Frustrated that she would not eat or drink again, I gave her ice chips. She locked her mouth down once again.

    Earlier, for lunch, I decided I didn’t want to prepare anything time-consuming, so I made a fresh smoothie with bananas, yogurt, blueberries and strawberries. Shadow, my youngest, and most energetic giant schnauzer, loves yogurt. While I attempted to drink my smoothie, Shadow whined for his share. I poured a small amount into a bowl and he consumed it in moments. Now that he is outside, I decided to see if Shasta would drink a bit of smoothie. Pouring just enough to barely cover the bottom of the small bowl, I am pleased to announce, Shasta licked every bit of it and she is a bit more energetic now. Suppose it could be due to the storm and thunder brewing outside, but I suspect she is feeling just a tad better.

    Her nose is almost healed now, but I cannot help wondering — when an animal gets sick from medications that they must have, should we administer them? I suppose I am questioning the ‘quality of life’ for now…and I do feel a bit of guilt while recognizing that I was the one who gave her the pills that have weakened her tiny body so much. She looks up at me with weakened eyes that cannot see me since she is blind now and can only see bright shadows. It breaks my heart to see her so weak and I have prayed that God is guiding me to care for her properly.

    For today, she is enjoying her smoothie. If she wants more, you must believe her mommy will make certain she gets another one. We rescued Shasta in June 2005. She has blessed our lives with her sassy little demeanor and energy.

    Looks like I must cut this short. It is lightning outside. I must cut the computer off. I will share more updates about our sweet little “Shasta Daisy Shampagne…She is white, like a Shasta daisy…bubbly like champagne. Such a little princess. At the moment, she holds her head high. Shakespeare, our oldest schnauzer that must snoop his nose into everything, is sniffing at her, making certain all is AOK.

    More later, Readers — after the brewing storm!

  • Losing Weight Is Such A Challenge


    Dearest Readers:

    Today is a new day. A new month. Tomorrow, Phil and I will celebrate another anniversary. How many years….that I am keeping to myself. Let’s just say, I was a teenage bride…much too young to marry at such a young age…but my marriage has helped me to grow, to blossom into the woman I am today.

    Today was my weekly Weight Watchers weigh-in, only this time, I could not go. Last night my right knee decided to make popping noises again, and when it did, I knew I was in for another challenge in my life. All night long I fought with the pain. Using a pillow to elevate my leg and knee. It hurt worse. I tossed and turned and today, I am totally exhausted. Earlier, I chose to climb back into the bed, to see if relaxation would help the knee to stop throbbing. I coated the knee with Bio Freeze, placed a cool pack on it, freezing it. An hour later, I hopped out of bed, literally. The knee actually bent as I slid off the bed, and it felt better. Still, it hurts, but nothing like it did last night. No doubt, I’ll not wear platform heels for a few days, but never fear, this chick will wear them again!

    Now, I’ve missed two weeks of weekly meetings at Weight Watchers. Next week I WILL be back, even if I have to hop around. The knee is feeling better now, after a day of rest. I planned to use the treadmill today, deciding it might be best to take a day off from working out. The knee doesn’t appear to be swollen, but it is extremely tight. I will give it a few days and if it doesn’t get better, I’ll phone my doctor. No way will I have surgery. I’m simply determined not to give in to the pain. As long as I can move around, dance, and exercise, all will be fine. Yes, it hurts to sit down, and getting back up, the first step is a challenge, but this determined, stubborn chick will not give in!

    So today is a day to recognize that when life makes lemons, I must make lemonade. I truly miss my meetings at Weight Watchers, but I know another week will come, and I will see improvement with my leg. Exercise is truly the key. Through exercise and moderation, I will step back into the meetings, see my friends and know that soon I will reach my goal.

    The beauty of attending meetings at Weight Watchers is the encouragement, knowledge, and social aspects of recognizing that when we have unexpected challenges, such as my battles with my knee, or whenever life dictates my schedule, I can return to Weight Watchers and feel better about my losses, gains, or setbacks. What I have learned the most is that every day is a new day, and when life gives lemons, I simply move to get myself back in the saddle again. Perhaps a cliché, but — that is my way of thinking now. I no longer beat myself up with negative thoughts, I simply move — like now, while I force my painful knee to move, so I can continue the pursuit.

    I am hopeful that next week I will be able to report that my knee is better and so am I.

    Until we meet again — “stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit…It’s when things seem worse, you mustn’t quit…”
    -Anonymous-

  • My Eyes Have It — FINALLY!


    Dearest Readers:

    To those who contacted me via e-mail, inquiring about the saga with my eyes and contacts, I’d like to thank you for your concern. I am happy to report when I went to the ophthalmologist in late May, I saw a different doctor. Seems my doctor moved to another practice, so I saw her partner. He checked my eyes thoroughly, looking back into the file to see and read notes. Then, he asked me, “Which eye was it that had a damaged cornea?”

    Negative, frightening thoughts entered my mind, for a moment. He shook his head, looking again.

    “What’s the matter? I thought my eye was getting better.”

    “It is!” He exclaimed. “I don’t see any damage. You have two healthy eyes.”

    I sighed! “Can I wear my contact again?”

    “Let’s try one.”

    Finally! My right eye was healed. No scarring. No damage. The cornea was healthy!

    If you have followed my blog about my eyes, you will recall I have fought with an eye virus, an eye infection, a scarred and burned cornea, and an almost complete loss of eye sight since February 2013. For over four months, I could not wear contacts at all. In my right eye, all I could see was a blanket of gray, or a gigantic blur. Watching TV, if I covered my left eye to see out of the right, I could not make out images on the TV — not even the 52-inch in the den. At the doctor’s office, I could not read the eye chart — not even the top chart! Fortunately, my left eye was great, with good vision, but driving — well, let’s just say, I did not drive, except to get to the doctor’s office. All of my weekly errands were rescheduled for weekends, when my husband was home. I hated it. For almost four months I found myself practically homebound. Unable to drive comfortably. I did drive to Weight Watchers, that is — when I went. I did not walk, for fear I would not be able to see the sidewalk well and might fall. My independence was suddenly questionable. I confess, I am not a dependent person, so I remained at home, resting my eye. Hoping and praying that with each new day, I would see improvement. I did not.

    The eye doctor had me on several medications. One of the medications resulted in burning my cornea, so she tossed that medication in the trash. During the four months of wishing and hoping and praying that my eye would heal, it did not. The doctor suggested a new course — over the counter Refresh Eye Drops and the prescription drug, Restasis. “Use them twice daily…and no contacts until I say so!”

    That was the last time I saw my strict eye doctor in April. When I returned in May, I saw her partner, I believe he is the founder of the practice. When he shared with me that he could not find any damage to my eye, I was ecstatic! Hopefully, I could wear contacts again.

    Today, I am pleased to report, I am able to wear a contact in my right eye. i have the thirty-day, soft type, and I am using them daily. I DO NOT SLEEP IN THEM! Although, reportedly, patients can sleep in them, but ‘eye conditions may occur,’ so I am being smart this time, not lazy. A new nightly ritual includes not just washing my face, brushing my teeth, moisturizing my face and body, I have a new ritual after washing my hands. I remove my contact. Place it in fresh solution, and I moisturize my eyes — first with Refresh drops. I wait about five minutes, then I open a Restasis vial and moisturize my right eye. When I awaken in the morning, the same ritual occurs, including moisturizing my eyes with Refresh and Restasis. After 30 minutes, I insert my eye contact.

    I will never sleep in contacts again — even IF I am told that I might. While I do not know if sleeping in a contact causes eye problems, I am told that the eye needs to breathe and while sleeping in contacts, the eye might not receive the proper amount of oxygen. I do find it interesting that with all of the problems I had with my eye, all occurred with my right eye — the eye with the sleeping contact.

    So, dear readers, to all of you I will say — you be the judge. If you wear contacts, please consider that you do not want to endure the problems I had. Nothing is more frightening than to have your eye sight slowly fading away. I had so many foolish questions dancing inside my mind:

    *I am a writer – how can I write when I cannot see?” My mindset was a pity party, I suppose.

    There were definitely additional questions I had, but I realized it was time to stop focusing on a pity party and pray that my eye sight would return. I am so blessed that my sight is back to normal now, and I only need to wear one contact. I still have reading glasses placed strategically around the house, and in my handbag. After all, a writer must be prepared.

    The new contact is doing well. Perhaps because I am not sleeping in contacts at all, and I use the eye drops for dry eye syndrome twice daily. If you have dry eyes, you might consider printing a coupon from the Refresh website, http://www.dealsoff.com/refresh-eye-drops-printable-coupons/ read carefully how to use the vials and follow the directions 100%. Make certain you wash your hands before doing any eye care!

    Lessons learned the hard way for me. I always wash my hands prior to any eye care, but I was negligent by sleeping in a contact. During this illness, my left eye was 100%. Right eye? Almost blind. Lessons learned. Please, follow my advice and NEVER…EVER SLEEP IN CONTACTS. It just isn’t worth an eye infection, eye virus, or conditions within the eye, especially with the cornea!

    Let us all make a pledge to have Happy, Healthy Eyes!!!

  • In Memory of a Friend…


    Today is Monday, another beautiful day of life to enjoy and make the most of our day. After I awaken, let the pups out and pour a cup of coffee, I hop on the computer, to hear the latest news in the world, then I click on Facebook.

    Reading a few posts on Facebook, I am shocked, stunned, broken-hearted. Why? I have lost another friend – a friend I knew in high school. A woman who always spoke to me in school. A woman I reconnected with at the high school reunion held in April 2013.

    Becki Vinson Matthews looked beautiful at the reunion. Life and age had been good to her. I recognized her on the spot. Others, well, I didn’t recognize so easily. At the Friday night function in Uptown Columbus, we rushed outside to ‘dance in the street.’ The band was too great to ignore inside a bar atmosphere. Additional classmates — mostly girls — joined us as we danced, and danced, and danced. We chatted a bit and I listened to her chatting away about life, and grandchildren. On Facebook, we read posts and made comments after the reunion.

    I was truly shocked to read that she is now an angel in Heaven, no longer with us. I confess, at the reunion, as I looked at the Memory Wall, recognizing most of the 60 classmates now deceased, the curiosity of a writer danced in my mind…curious as to who would be the next high school photograph to add to the memory wall.

    It is unfortunate that our generation has reached a time in our lives where death will occur more frequently. Still, there are so many illnesses and deaths that will attack our bodies. Apparently, Becki died from a massive heart attack. Someone wrote that she was having chest pains before the heart attack. At our class reunion, she looked like the picture of health. Dancing. Smiling. Laughing. Catching up with each of our lives. She was a member of the “Sister Chicks” a group of high school friends still connecting, dancing and sharing life together. She and a few others wanted me to become a ‘sister chick.’

    I am still in shock that she is gone and I am happy that we purchased a memory book from the reunion. Hopefully, when the day arrives and I receive my copy in the mail, Becki will be the first person I look for. She was so kind to me, telling me at the reunion that “I had no idea you could sing so well, Barbie!”

    I laughed. “Yes, I suppose my secret is out now, isn’t it!”

    Before we left the reunion I hugged Becki, thanking her for her warmth and thoughtfulness. Never did I realize that would be our last hug together.

    Rest in peace, Becki with that contagious smile on your beautiful face and warmth surrounding you. Our classmates will miss you terribly.

    To those of my class who are reading this, and to all of my readers, I would like to share a bit of advice. Heart disease is on the rise in America. Please visit the website, http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/GettingHealthy/Diet-and-Lifestyle-Recommendations_UCM_305855_Article.jsp
    to learn more about the guidelines for a heart healthy life. We are told to eat healthy, move and exercise regularly and to get a physical yearly. At my last physical, my doctor ordered an electrocardiogram. http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/ekg/

    I am happy to report mine was — as my doctor expressed, “Perfect.” I was so pleased since my husband had a quadruple heart bypass in early 1998. I am constantly nagging him to exercise more and to watch what he eats carefully. He ignores me. Please, if you are reading this, make a pledge to yourself to take care of yourself, and please understand, Becki looked like the picture of health in April. Slim. Trim. Active. Energetic. We never know when something might occur to take our health away, but I am a true believer in living life to the fullest every day. And, when tomorrow comes, we must do what we can to protect our health. We hear of people dying quickly from heart attacks and many of those people did not know their heart was about to stop. Becki complained of chest pains before her death. Please, let us all make a pact today that if we have any of the symptoms of heart disease, or if we simply do not feel well, let us get to the doctor or hospital, to make certain we are well.

    Symptoms of a heart attack:
    Chest pains
    Upper body discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw, or stomach,
    Shortness of breath
    Nausea
    A feeling of lightheadedness or fainting
    Cold sweat
    http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health//dci/pods/trans_heartatt.html
    Call 911 to get immediate treatment, please.

    In memory of Becki Vinson Matthews – a classmate, mother, wife, grandmother, sister chick and a dear friend. Rest in peace, beautiful Becki. We will miss you!

  • Caregiving in America


    PARENT TO PARENT…CARE GIVING IN AMERICA

    by

    Barbie Perkins-Cooper

    During the holidays of 1997, my life was extremely busy until a shocking reality forced me to readjust my schedule, to make time for a new, unsuspecting emergency when my father needed me the most, during his illness. I was stepping into a new chapter of my life, green and naive of the responsibilities I would endure. The roles of life were reversing, and before the Christmas holidays of 1997 ended, I learned about new responsibilities while serving as the primary caregiver to my beloved, headstrong, and courageous father, Walter W. Perkins.
    On December 9, I sat alone at the hospital waiting for the results of an endoscopy, feeling confident my dad would be fine. I flipped the pages of a magazine while waiting for the test results. When his doctor approached, I realized from his body language and the look in his eyes he did not have good news to report. When he whispered esophageal cancer, I screamed.
    Later, I regained my composure, while the poisonous words of cancer echoed inside my head. How could this be? I pondered the diagnosis. Dad would need chemotherapy and radiation. I did not know if he would agree to the treatments, realizing that if he found the courage to fight such a dreadful cancer, he would become dreadfully sick. According to the doctors, chemotherapy could help, or because it was so toxic and powerful, it could kill him.
    The prognosis was not a positive forecast. The oncologist estimated that he could live possibly six months; nevertheless, he was not able to retain food now and was malnourished. He needed a feeding tube, to pump nutrition into his stomach. If he did not respond and retain food soon, he would probably be dead within two weeks from malnourishment.
    My heart palpitated as I realized my role model, mentor and advisor of life was terminally ill with a dreadful disease, and I was helpless to stop it. My father was my guiding light of life, always strong and healthy. Now, he would fight the battle of his life, and I had no doubt that I would be by his side for the duration of his illness. Our roles in life were reversing, only this time, I would become the caregiver to my devoted, charming, and loving 82-year old father.
    I was not certain I was ready for this challenge, but I knew I would not allow him to fight the disease without me. Although I failed to understand the true definition of a primary caregiver, I would learn, and change my lifestyle schedule to be by his side. Realizing the nightmarish roller coaster ride I was on was a wake up call I hope to never experience again.
    I was a proud, energetic, fulfilled woman of the baby boomer generation, the generation designated to babies born during the years of 1946-1964. I was involved in a demanding career, relieved that my son was grown and living on his own, planning to get married soon. Now, it was time for me to do what I wanted to do, until I realized my father would need me now, more than he needed anyone in his lifetime. I was the parent to my parent.
    I accepted the challenge, never understanding how the cycles of life were spinning uncontrollably while I slowly stepped into the dreadful middle age years, stepping into a new chapter of my life as a caregiver.
    Americans of the baby boomer generation are aging. Approximately one of four American households is involved in some form of care giving. The number of primary care providers is diminishing because many family members live far away or cannot become involved. Where does this leave the elderly? Who will feed them, dress them, and provide for their needs and companionship? Who will see that their medical, financial, and personal needs are met?
    In America, hospital and long-term care is skyrocketing. Medicare will not cover the needs sufficiently. Only a small amount of American families can afford private nursing home care, or long-term medical care. Approximately 36% of primary caregivers are over the age of 65. As the baby boomers reach senior citizen status, the elderly population is projected to increase significantly and will require physical, emotional, assisted living and special needs. Although the majority of caregivers are usually women, many of these women must juggle a full-time job and children still living at home, while managing the care of an elderly parent. These demands can lead to physical ailments, including depression or burn out.
    I was under the impression that Medicare would take care of the medical needs of my father, along with the elderly. I was sadly mistaken. Medicare would not pay for his prescriptions, unless he was hospitalized; and if he needed long term care, Medicare would only cover twenty days. Fighting for his life, Dad worried about the bills, along with how he would afford the expense of cancer. He was encouraged to file for Medicaid.
    While the toxic brown bag of chemotherapy dripped into my father’s thinning veins, I realized I had to take charge of his life, at least for now. Although I did not feel emotionally strong enough to endure the horrors of filing for Medicaid, I knew I had to become his voice, his nurse, and advocate.
    I adjusted my schedule, missing weeks of work, along with months of sleep. When I visited him, I smiled while struggling to camouflage my emotions. Dad was so weak and nauseated from the chemotherapy, he failed to notice, and I was thankful. I wore myself out physically, almost to the point of exhaustion. My emotional life was spinning out of control, trapped in a whirlpool I could not escape.
    To my surprise, I found an inner strength within myself, focusing on my father’s medical, financial, and physical needs. We developed a closer relationship, and although we never discussed how it felt for him to suffer a terminal disease, I still remember his poignant words to me during one hospital visit. He reached for my hand, whispering softly, he said, “You know, Barbara, cancer is not contagious.”
    Tears filled my eyes as I turned my head away so he could not see me crying. “I know, Dad.” I kissed him on the lips, telling him I loved him. I was proud to be his caregiver, and I was thankful he had confidence in me.
    If you serve as a primary caregiver, be good to yourself. Find time to be alone, while juggling the demands of care giving, even if it means you must close the door for a bit of privacy for only a few minutes. Make the most of your days, especially while caring for your loved one. Take charge of your life. Do not feed the doubts, or listen to the negative aspects of your new lifestyle change. Repeat to yourself that you are taking life one day at a time, and make the most of every day, even if it is a dark and dreary day. Be thankful of your blessings and the days that you and your loved are sharing.
    Learn to speak up and fight for your rights, and the rights of the terminally ill, or elderly person you are caring for. Watch for signs of depression, in yourself and your loved one. Some of the signs of depression include: inability to sleep, inability to concentrate, and a mind that races constantly, especially at night, sometimes referred to as circular thinking, lack of appetite, irrational behavior, crying, or irritability. I was in denial of my emotions, unable to see the warning signs.
    While serving as a primary caregiver, encourage your loved one to be strong, to fight for life, and to be courageous. Let the person you care for make some of the decisions. Most of all, open your heart, your mind, and share your love. Never leave your loved one without a touch of affection and the simple words I love you, because you may not have tomorrow to express those affections. Discover the rights of the elderly. And when the time comes, allow your loved one to die with dignity, if that is his or her wish.
    Search on the Internet for care giving issues, publications, and become an advocate about elderly care. I found numerous web sites, and I read them passionately late at night, when I could not sleep. Stand up for your rights, trust your instincts, and support your loved ones wishes. Make the most of every day, without making excuses for mistakes you make, appointments you must cancel, or demands you can no longer meet. Become familiar with the Family Medical Leave Act, and do not allow others, especially co-workers or a boss, to intimidate you.
    Walter W. Perkins died on July 6, 1999 and although I am no longer a caregiver, I still consider myself an advocate for elderly care, especially where the rights of residents of nursing homes are concerned.
    During Dad’s illness, I never took no for an answer, and I learned everything I could about Medicare, Medicaid and the rights of the elderly. I wanted to be the voice my father could not be, because he was so gravely ill and frail. I have no regrets, and I am proud to say my father was my top priority in life, during his illness, and residency in a nursing home. Although he died while I was walking into his room for my daily visit, I know that he knew I loved him, and I was dedicated to him. He was my life, and now he is my shining star. A few days before he died, he reminded me to make the most of everyday of my life, and I still strive to live life to its fullest, remembering his wisdom, his love, along with the passions he held for others.
    You, as a caregiver, or a baby boomer, could be the next family member to walk into a nursing home or a hospital, while your loved one is dying. Live for the moment, hoping to see the sunrise and sunset of a new tomorrow. Never forget to share your love and special times with the terminally ill or elderly.
    After the death of my father, I fell apart. As I dug my way out of the darkness of despair, I realized I was lost in a world of depression, unable to confront my emotional well being. It was my darkest moment. I managed to join a grief therapy session, while I learned to accept his death.
    Watching my father battle the debilitating disease of esophageal cancer, as he struggled to maintain his dignity, gave me a wake up call I will never forget. Now, I make the time to search for flowers, rainbows and I enjoy the little things in life while enjoying life’s effervescent sunrises and sunsets.
    Be proud to be a caregiver, while serving as a parent to your parent, and never look back! Life is too short to be trapped into a spider web of despair and regrets. We must remember to make the best out of a difficult situation, feeding the positive moments, while forgetting the negative and hopeless feelings we as caregivers experience. We must educate ourselves about care giving. We must trust our instincts, and know that what we are doing is not a sacrifice, but an act of unconditional love while we learn to adjust and place our needs aside. We are sharing and teaching, and growing into the citizens and family members that we need and desire to be. We must stand up, not only for our rights, but also for the rights of those who we love during their hour of need. With the support of our families, friends and other caregivers, we are building memories to cherish for the rest of our lives.
    May God bless caregivers, the family members, and loved ones we care for; and may we as caregivers continue to find ways to improve the lives of the ones we love and want to remember — one day at a time!

  • My Apologies For the New Year and Beyond!


    To those who read my blog on a regular basis, I would like to apologize for being a bit slack during November and December. My goal is to post on a regular basis, especially about subjects that get under my skin, or subjects I find newsworthy.

    Since late October, I have been ill and that is why I haven’t been writing on a regular basis. If you are my readers, I do hope you will choose to return when I post on a regular basis.

    To date, I’m hesitant to say I am getting well. It seems that every time I said that during the three months mentioned, I would only get worse again. I was diagnosed with ‘possible walking pneumonia – perhaps,’ only to get worse after taking the Z-pack. Returning to another doctor, I was diagnosed with ‘extreme congestion –deep in the bronchial tubes.’ According to this doctor I did not have pneumonia — yet! Thank goodness this doctor had the intelligence to request a chest x-ray. After another expensive batch of prescribed medications, I do appear to be improving; nevertheless, I am extremely weak. Walking around downtown Charleston today has left me completely exhausted and normally I can walk without exhaustion.

    So, my faithful readers, I do hope you will continue visiting my blog and as soon as I am able to work with a bit of strength again, I will keep you supplied with newsworthy topics, issues that ‘get under my skin’ and other details, from a writer’s perspective. Meanwhile, I wish you a wonderful, healthy and prosperous New Year, 2013. It is unfortunate that my year has started with such illness. For now, I am moving forward in hopes all in Charleston, SC will stop getting so ill with viruses, the flu and other germs that I certainly do not wish to breathe or catch. I’ve had enough illness to last a while. Let us all toast the new year with health and positive thoughts!

  • Belated Merry Christmas to All


    Good morning, World. Today is December 26, 2012 — the day after Christmas. Belated Merry Christmas to all. Another day for many to shop – to get the great after Christmas bargains. Ho Hum. I will not be a participant this year.  I’m still too sick, too weak to fight the crowds. For the holidays of 2012, I have been ill. Everything has been a fog to me. The beautiful Christmas trees. The Christmas lights. Christmas caroling. Christmas parties…Christmas mass…a complete fog.

    I became ill in early October with bronchial asthma. Knowing how to care for myself, I rested, used my nebulizer and inhaler. I have asthma and I know what is required to get well, so I didn’t go to the doctor. I rested. Slept — once until 2:40pm. Totally out of character for me! Getting well a few days before Thanksgiving, I cooked a Thanksgiving feast for two. After Thanksgiving I realized I was still ill, but better.

    On December 13, I awoke coughing again. Oh goodness…am I still sick? I asked myself. The night before was a fun night of dancing, singing and having lots of fun at Karaoke at the Elks Lodge. Barbie is back, I said. I’m finally well!

    Surprise! Thursday morning is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. After washing my face, I turned my lighted makeup mirror on. Oh Gosh. What is wrong with my left eye? I stared into the mirror, got a fresh tissue, dabbing it gently on my left eye. It was bloody red, appearing to have blood gushing out of it. I was horrified. I looked like an alien! I can’t go to Weight Watchers like this. I have to go to the eye doctor! I checked the tissue. It was dry. No blood, nevertheless; my eye was BLOODY!

    I looked for my opthamologist phone number in my new Iphone5. It wasn’t there. I struggled to think of the doctor’s name, but I was a true blonde this time. What to do? I decided to drive myself to the office as an emergency. If I needed to stay all day so they could work me in, I would. I packed a few magazines and the Post and Courier in my hand bag, and off I went to the eye doctor. I was mortified! No eye makeup on and here I was driving myself to the doctor. I imagined I would run into everyone I know — without makeup!

    By now, I had a bit of pressure in my right eye. I could see well, so I didn’t think there was any damage. Less than an hour later, the doctor checked my eye. The left eye had suffered a subconjunctival hemorrhage from coughing. He confirmed I had no eye damage, but would look this way for a matter of weeks. Great. The holidays are upon me and I look dreadful. Can I wear eye makeup? My doctor laughed. Yes, I could. There was no damage to my eye…It just looked — interesting! Little did I know how sick I was becoming. By Sunday, my chest burned and there appeared to be a bear inside my chest. Growling. Wanting to come out, only I was too weak to let it out. My eye was still red. I could be in a horror movie now, not needing makeup at all!

    For those of you who read my blog regularly, I thank you and I apologize for not writing lately. I have been much too sick, and so has my computer. One morning I attempted to use the computer. Everything wasn’t working. Trying to get on the Internet gave me a code of  ‘this page doesn’t exist,’ or something similar. Remember, I am sick and when I am sick, my brain becomes pickled! I realized, not only was I sick with this dreadful virus, but my computer had a virus too! At least my computer and I are closely bonded…maybe a little too closely bonded!

    Monday morning, I phoned my allergy specialist. The earliest I could get an appointment was Tuesday afternoon. Lots of sickness in Mt. Pleasant. I was only one of them. Arriving late at the doctor’s office, I apologized, telling them I could not remember where they were located and went to the wrong office. Gosh, how I hate when I’m sick. I am a total air head, unable to comprehend anything.

    I remained at the doctor’s office for over two hours. Constantly they tested, treated and diagnosed me. No flu. No fever. No pneumonia. Walking pneumonia — perhaps!

    Now, my readers will understand why I’ve been so quiet. Too sick to write. Almost too sick to lift my head off the pillow. Changing the bed linens left me gasping for breath. Christmas Day I received a blessed gift from God — I awoke feeling better. I could go to my friend’s home for dinner. I was finally stepping onto the road to recovery.

    This morning I am feeling better — bit by bit. This Christmas holiday season I wasn’t able to shop at all. Each time I thought I might be able to shop, something came up – a surprising assignment with New York Daily News, another assignment for my magazine editor, and of course, all of the illness I battled. So, Phil and I have quietly appreciated that we have each other. Shopping for gifts simply wasn’t an issue for this year. I was much too sick. After all, it is the little things we should appreciate every year at the holidays. For example – good health. Spending time with family and friends. Being nice to one another. Playing it forward with kindness. Instead of being in a rush, especially in traffic, why not allow that insensitive driver who is striving to cut you off to get into the lane ahead of you? Open the door to a stranger. Say hello to someone with a smile. Be nice. Christmas is the time of year to appreciate those who are in our lives, and those who come into our lives. Every one has a reason and a season. The little things. This year I’ve certainly learned to appreciate those precious words and to appreciate “Merry Christmas.”

    Perhaps God wanted me to get sick to realize I must slow down a bit and appreciate those I love. Belated Merry Christmas, Everyone. Let us all give thanks for our life, our family, good health and God bless us — EVERYONE! Happy New Year 2013.

  • Robin Roberts — A True Lady of Grace!


    Yes, as a writer, I will proclaim that I am a news addict. For many, many years, I was a true groupie of the Today Show, but when they released Ann Curry from the Today Show, I decided to change channels. I did not know who was on Good Morning America until I started watching it, and I must say, I had no idea of the physical struggles of Robin Roberts due to breast cancer. Now, she is fighting MDS, myelodysplastic syndrome. According to the website, Web MD,

    “Myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS) is a condition that affects the bone marrow and the blood cells it produces.

    Your bone marrow makes different types of blood cells:

     Red blood cells, which carry oxygen in your blood.

    Today while watching Good Morning America, I cried while listening to all of the caring people who love Robin Roberts. Martina McBride truly proved what a wonderful performer and role model she is while singing, “I’m Gonna Love You Through It.” Her performance brought tears to my eyes. Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis know that I am a singer, and I love to sing songs that touch the heart. Today, I truly became a devoted fan of Good Morning America. I am praying for the speedy recovery of Robin Roberts and I pray that she will rise above the storms of  illnesses and show all of us that this journey will be not just a stepping stone for her, but an adventure into the true, admirable role model of a woman such as Robin Roberts is today!

    The relationship of Robin and her sister, Sally-Ann Roberts, appears to be a rare, and close bonding of two sisters who are definitely more than siblings. I am so envious. I have three sisters, only one that I am close to, and I cherish her. How I admire people who were blessed to have strong family relationships. It has been an intense journey for me to set the past free and become closer to my sisters. I have only accomplished my goals of family relationships with one. The other two, I wish them the best while praying that someday our ship will come back from the intense storms and find the sunshine in life, not the sorrow. To quote my father a few weeks before he died from esophageal cancer, “Move forward with life. Don’t look back.”

    I have followed my father’s advice and moved forward. I do not dwell on the sad childhood I had. I have grown to look for the sunrises in every morning and I have found peace by giving myself a positive mental attitude.  Every day I repeat the words I live by, “Today is a new day…make it great.” Sometimes I succeed, other times, I fight to pull myself up to smile again. Life isn’t easy, but it is the only life we have. We can choose to dwell on the past and the mistakes made, or we can pull ourselves up to ‘move forward with life.’

    Robin Roberts, I will miss you more than I can express on this blog, and I will be listening every day to hear how your progression is going. I believe in the power of prayer. My faith is a strong one and I know when storms come into my life, all I have to do is to lift my eyes towards the Heavens and say a prayer. Today, I pray for you, Robin, as your journey into another chapter of your blessed life. God is with you. He has provided the life support you need in your sister, Sally-Ann. I am confident that your journey will be successful and real soon, you will look to see a rainbow that will fill your heart with the best of health. May God bless you and your family as you take this journey!

    Robin Roberts, I wish you the best!