Barbie Perkins-Cooper, Author

Category: On My Soapbox!

  • My Thoughts About The New Weight Watchers…


    My thoughts regarding “Oprah” and the changes are simply this: Those of us who are overweight have had difficulty with belief in ourselves…We have the tendency to cater to ourselves via comfort foods, sweets…temptations…etc…when we should be caring about ourselves. Instead of negative thoughts and “I’m done with Weight Watchers” posts, what we should do is say this — “We are good…We are worthy…We are strong…and together…We Can Do This!” I have the tendency for depression, and when I am depressed, nothing will stop me from eating bad things. Thru Weight Watchers, I’ve seen changes — in myself…my faith…my belief…I am strong…I’ve made loyal friends with several members at our meetings. I am blessed! Maybe I am beautiful…Maybe I truly believe in ME — now! Thank you, Weight Watchers. I believe change is good. Without change, we cannot grow. If we do not grow, we do not find success, happiness and belief in ourselves. Just my two cents worth for today! BELIEVE!!!

    I’ve been a member of Weight Watchers since 2011. Four years. During my four year journey, I’ve seen changes. I am one who believes in life we ALWAYS have changes. Weight Watchers has been around for 50 years now, through many changes – everyone of these changes is for the better! I’m one of the rare people who truly believe life is all about change. Without ‘change’ we cannot grow. If we do not grow, we are not successful. So, you ask — what is the BIG DEAL with the changes at Weight Watchers.

    Honestly, I cannot answer those questions. My meeting is on Thursday of every week. It is my “Weight Watchers” day. I plan my schedules around this day. No doctor’s appointments…meetings, etc. on this date. After our meeting three of us go out to lunch – to do what most great friends do together — to talk…to get to know one another…to build friendships! To support!

    At the moment, people who are members of Weight Watchers are FREAKING out! On social media sites, they are asking, “what are the changes?” And — “why are they changing things?”

    I suppose they want someone to tell them ahead of time about the changes. News Flash – people — Weight Watchers, their leaders and those who work for Weight Watchers are FABULOUS about keeping secrets!

    No, Weight Watchers is not a secret society. They are there to help us; nevertheless, there are many changes rolling out this week. ALL of these CHANGES are to build a better Weight Watchers for all of us to succeed. They DO want US TO SUCCEED! By now, you’ve probably heard millions of complaints about the new plan…”It isn’t working…I can’t log in…” And — “Why did they change something that isn’t broken?”

    Correct me IF I’m mistaken, but Weight Watchers is interested in the self-worth of a person…not only is it a corporation established to help those who are struggling to lose weight…Weight Watchers is helping us to BELIEVE IN OURSELVES!

    We’ve had discussions about Belief. Self Discovery…and How We Can Break the Plateaus. Activity…Mind Over Matter…How to Cope With The Holidays and Social Events…and so on. All of these weekly discussions are building us to truly find the person we want to be. None of this is related to Oprah Winfrey. These “changes” were in the works earlier this year, not when Oprah signed on.

    Speaking only for myself, Weight Watchers has changed my life for the better. Yes, I am eating healthier. I am more active – able to walk the Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge…able to dance and to sing. I have found a new and better person previously locked away, deep inside my soul. In March, 2011, Jennifer Hudson was the spokesperson. I was struggling to lose more weight, and I kept telling myself — “One day, I plan to walk that bridge.” For those of you who do not know, that bridge [Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge] opened in July 2005. Just WHEN would I walk it?

    In 2011, my life changed for the better, and I feel confident that the New and Improved Weight Watchers 2016 will lead the way for me to embrace the change and get going with my weight loss. After all, I have goals (secret goals) I will not share – yet. Hopefully soon, I might share a few of those goals on my site.

    Today, I will go on record to say – Hello, 2016 — it is ready, and it is time for me to move on with my writing and my story, “Chattahoochee Child,” and it is time for me to get moving more with Weight Watchers. Many members are throwing their hands in the air, as if to say — “I’m done.” The question they should answer is this — as a member of Weight Watchers — online, or a weekly member who attends meetings — are you really ready to give up on yourself? Think about it. Change is good. I embrace it!

     

     

     

  • 19 Kids, and Counting…The Disgraceful Duggars!

    19 Kids, and Counting…The Disgraceful Duggars!


    Dearest Readers:

    I confess…I WAS a recent semi-fan of the TLC program, 19 KIDS, AND COUNTING… Surfing on the TV one night, I discovered the program, 19 KIDS, AND COUNTING, so I watched it. I noticed how all of the girls wore long skirts with slightly below-the-knee hemlines. When I watched one of the programs where they went to the Georgia Aquarium, and they swam in Lake Lanier, GA, I was curious IF Mom and Pop Duggar would permit the girls to wear swimsuits or shorts. They did not.

    Why I Started Watching 19 KIDS AND COUNTING

    This program brought back my childhood, strict with all of the rules we had to live with. Attending church, which I enjoyed until I heard the ‘speaking in tongues’ ceremonies. I sang in the church choir. I practiced the golden rule; nevertheless, I still chose to wear my shorts – against my fundamentalist grandfather’s approval. Watching 19 KIDS AND COUNTING. I was curious IF any of these 19 children EVER disobeyed their parents. On the episodes I watched, never did I hear any child rebel, disobey, or mutter anything their parents would not approve. I realized, with cameras rolling, they obviously edited anything where the children did not follow the ‘holier than thou’ mentality of their parents.

    This isn’t normal, I thought. Children on this program never dispute, shout, or fight with their siblings. Just what is wrong here? Obviously, I was on to something.

    Many of the episodes of 19 KIDS AND COUNTING brought back memories to me. Memories of my childhood and how I dressed. As a little girl, my grandparents did not ‘approve’ when I wore shorts. Young girls were never to cut their hair, since it was a sign of glory and holiness, according to my grandfather…and young girls were NEVER to show their skin. He wanted us dressed in high necklines, preferably in white. Virginal and pure. At 13, when I had cleavage, I disgraced them by wearing a V-neck T-shirt and shorts. Disgraceful! I must say, I did not wear the Daisy Duke shorts and when I bent over, you could see absolutely nothing with the exception of tanned, firm, athletic legs. At 15, I wore shorts and T-shirts and my grandfather alluded that I was ‘cheap…’ Actually, he described me as a w—-. When I confronted him with ‘how can a virgin be a wh—;’ he refused to speak with me.

    Attending high school, I wore clothes that revealed – NOTHING! Necklines were high, usually turtle neck. If I wore a blouse, it was buttoned all the way. No skin revealed. Skirts were long and cumbersome to wear. When I committed the most cardinal of sins by wearing makeup, my grandfather gave me a new name. The Scarlett Woman. The Tramp…and of course again – The Wh—! I continued wearing makeup! After all, if the pastor’s wife at the church could wear makeup, why couldn’t I?

    Child Molestation Charges

    Yesterday, May 22, 2015, the news was hot with a topic about 19 KIDS AND COUNTING. Apparently, Josh Duggar committed a dreadful sin as a 14-year-old – seems he molested five girls. http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/21/us/josh-duggar-child-molestation-allegations/index.html
    When I read these reports, I was flabbergasted, to say the least. Now, Josh Duggar has apologized and he has resigned his impressive, political position in Washington D.C. with the Family Research Council. Reportedly, his wife, Anna, knew of his ‘sins’ before she married him and she was impressed that he confessed these behaviors before their marriage.

    Josh and Anna have three children now. The oldest is a girl, Mackynzie. Two boys – Michael and Marcus and she is pregnant with their fourth child – a girl. Sometimes I cannot help being curious as to why this family reproduces like rabbits. What about the quality of time with children?

    The reports are endless about the Duggar Family. I will not elaborate more, but I would suggest – IF you read these Internet postings, keep in mind, many are simply chat areas.

    Duggar Disgrace

    Yes, the recent news is a disgrace, and what makes it even more disgraceful is the fact that Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar chose to keep the molestation quiet. Their program, 19 Kids, and Counting did not air until 2008 after the molestation charges were swept under the Duggar Family rug. Disgraceful. Absolutely disgraceful!

    I Was a Victim of Child Molestation

    As a young girl and teenager, I was a victim of child molestation. One of my uncles touched me. We were riding in his delivery truck. He chose to turn onto a dirt road. No houses were around. He suggested we should ‘pick blackberries.’ I was 15-years-old at the time. Yes, I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts. Scandalous, aren’t I! I was 100% naïve. Trusting, especially of my elders.

    My uncle moved closer to me – touching my legs, his hands probing and searching, rushing towards my chest. I grabbed his hands, pushing him away. I reached for the door handle, got the door open and jumped outside. I ran as fast as I could. On that date, I failed to bring my inhaler, so the dust on the dirt road reacted with my asthma and I had difficulty breathing. Wheezing and coughing, I stopped, hearing my uncle’s delivery truck moving close to me. I ran the other way. Laughing, he pulled ahead of me, demanding that I get in the truck.
    I screamed. No one heard me.

    My uncle forced me inside the truck. I slapped his face – HARD. I screamed and I cried.
    Hysterical and horrified that I would be raped, my uncle said he would drive me home.

    “I don’t believe you. All you want to do is to touch me. I want to go home.”
    I opened the door again. Still wheezing, I walked as fast as I could. My uncle said he would take me home.
    “I can walk.”

    “We are at least 10 miles away and you’re going to walk? That’s a long way.”

    “I walk home from school – a 10-mile journey. I can walk home.”

    My uncle was shaking. I suppose he was fearful I would tell someone what he did. In my childhood I knew no one would listen or care.

    “If you tell any body I touched you, no one will believe you. I’m a deacon in the church. Who’d believe you? You’re a teenager. You’re wearing shorts. You tempted me by how pretty you are. I’m a deacon, “ he repeated. “ You’ve got beautiful legs I wanted to touch…”

    Recognizing he was afraid, along with the fact that absolutely no one in my family would believe me, I slid into the passenger seat of the truck.

    “If you move one hand off of that steering wheel, I will get out and I will tell somebody,” I said. “You are not raping me or touching me again.”

    Later, after arriving home, I rushed to take a shower. Scrubbing my body hard with the hottest water we had, I cried in the shower. As hard as I scrubbed, I could not get the feeling of his probing hands off of my body.

    Years later, when my uncle died, my mother phoned me. “You need to come home,” she said. “Your uncle just died.”

    Inhaling and exhaling, I bit my lip, and then I spoke, more of an enraged shout than my normal voice.
    “May he rot in Hell,” I said, tears stinging my face, as I relived his probing hands.

    My mother was annoyed. “Why do you feel that way about him?”

    “Because the bastard tried to rape me!”

    Our discussion continued while she confessed that he had been charged with rape twice, but never convicted. She wasn’t surprised by my confessions.

    Now that I read the reports about Josh Duggar, I feel compassion for him – just a bit. Apparently, he received a bit of ‘help’ when his parents sent him away to a ‘retreat, to work on construction jobs.’ [???]
    I am hopeful he did make amends and ask God for His forgiveness; nevertheless, reportedly there are five young girls who will never forget his probing hands touching their bodies in private places. Unforgiveable!
    Yes, I am hopeful the five girls who have not been revealed were able to move forward after these events. Child molestation is something a victim never forgets. After my experience, I prayed, but never confessed what happened to anyone within my family. Never did I speak to my uncle again, and when I saw him in church, I turned away, never giving him a chance to speak to me. As for blackberries – for me – they are truly the ‘forbidden fruit.’

    For the Duggar Family, I pray that the entire family learned a valuable lesson from this experience, and I pray that they will finally realize that no family is perfect; nevertheless, I suppose I was a bit wiser just by watching them. I recognized how hypocritical they are. Jim Bob always comes across as Mr. Lovey Dovey, especially with his wife, Michelle; however, if you watched her closely, you recognized she was a bit reserved. Sometimes pulling her head away when he kissed her in front of the children, after preaching to all of them that the girls must ‘court with a purpose.’ A courtship that leads to engagement and then – marriage. No kisses and only side hugs – until marriage. In one of the last episodes I watched, Jim Bob confesses that he and Michelle kissed LOTS before marriage??? Hypocrites’!

    I hope and pray the five girls involved with the incidents with Josh Duggar are able to move forward like I did. Never did I share the child molestation incident with anyone, with the exception of my husband in 1982. On that night, my husband was able to understand exactly why and how I responded to certain touches. After therapy, I am happy to say, I no longer fear probing hands. Yes, as my father taught me, I was able to move forward with life, and not look back.

    I hope the five girls involved with this Duggar Disgrace will be able to do the same. As for Josh Duggar, I hope he and his immediate family will remain close, and I pray he does not repeat his previous history with his children.

    Will I continue to watch a reality show? I doubt it. After all, those reality shows are edited, revealing only the good times, — not the reality of bad times. At least the Duggars were not bleeped like a lot of those idiotic reality shows! I pray Jim Bob, Josh and Michelle are praying for forgiveness, and I pray the five girls will learn that not all men are monsters on the prowl. Shame on you, 19 Kids and Counting! You are a disgrace to religious families! You allowed this dirt to be swept under the rug and remain there while you pretended to be a close, almost perfect family. Shame on you, TLC! Shame On You…19 Kids and Counting!

  • Sears vs. Black Friday – A Comedy of Errors


    Dearest Readers:

    Yesterday was Black Friday, normally a day I will shop for Christmas gifts in the afternoon. Never do I fight the early lines, simply because years ago, when I worked in the retail industry, I saw people losing their dignity and integrity over an item on sale. Originally on Black Friday, I do shop at Kohl’s, or other places where sales are really a bargain; however, this year, it is unfortunate that Sears repair, or I should say, Sears Blue Service Crew dictated my Black Friday.

    Allow me to explain. If you read my blog on a regular basis, you’ve probably read my recent post, https://barbieperkinscooper.wordpress.com/2014/11/22/definitely-not-a-friday-reflection-sears-kenmore-and-here-we-go-again/

    This morning, I feel I must share the ‘latest’ about our issues with Sears…the Sears Blue Service Crew program…and customer service with the Sears toll-free number. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. Here’s the scenario from yesterday:

    Our scheduled appointment for the ‘repair of my Kenmore front loader washer was scheduled between the hours of 3 – 7:00 pm yesterday, November 28, 2014 — Black Friday. All day long I was fearful to go shopping because there was a possibility the service tech would arrive on time, or earlier. He arrived about 5:15 pm. Upon arrival, we noticed only ONE technician, not the required two to repair the machine. The unit is a stacked unit. The washer is the bottom unit. To repair it, the entire unit must be disassembled so the washer can be repaired.

    ‘How do you know that?’ Yes, I heard you mumble that question, and the answer is simple. I’ve been down this road with Sears before, on June 26, 2014 the washer broke – when the technician arrived he determined it was the computer board. I should mention it took over two weeks, if not longer, to get a technician to arrive to check the unit. He determined it did need a computer board, since all electronics are computer generated now and he would order the part. It would take seven to ten days to get the part and it would be sent to our home. He scheduled the tentative repair for July 11 — PROVIDED the part arrived beforehand. July 11, the repair was completed. While the technician was here, he mentioned to my husband that this washer has had lots of problems with it, and we might consider replacing the machine. Little did I know that he was suggesting that our machine needed to be replaced at Sears expense since we had the ‘extended warranty.’ All I heard was the suggestion that we needed to replace the machine…meaning we needed to BUY another washer. I should mention I was just a bit annoyed with Sears at the time since the washer is only four-years-old!

    I did make enough noise with the Sears Blue Service Crew online and one of the department heads attempted to reach out to the service department to get the service changed to an earlier date. Reportedly, we were placed on the list of cancellations — in the event someone cancelled an appointment. Nevertheless, from June 26 – July 11, I did not have access to my washer and went to the laundromat several times. No doubt today I will return to that laundromat. Supposedly, Sears has me on the laundry vending list, or whatever they call it, and I will have to let them know I need compensation at $25.00 weekly for the lack of my washer. When this incident happened in July, I received a check for $75.00. Now, history is repeating itself – so I still say, Hello Sears…HERE WE GO AGAIN!

    What is so annoying with Sears and the toll-free number you must phone for service is the customer is placed on hold repeatedly. While on hold, the customer waits…and WAITS…AND WAITS. If on hold for a bit of time, your call is transferred to another customer service agent…and then — YOU — the customer — must share your information over…and over…and over AGAIN! Of course, by this time even the Pope would be a bit annoyed!

    When the repair was scheduled for Black Friday — the EARLIEST appointment we could get — my phone conversation was transferred to THREE different people. I will admit, I started the conversation nice and diplomatic…by the third person conversation, my patience was thin!

    Bryan, the first customer service agent mentioned that I might consider ‘replacing the machine…since I’ve had so many issues with it and it was an ‘old’ machine.’ I reminded him it was only four-years-old. Again, he suggested replacement since I had the extended warranty and it would replace the machine! Based on the history with this four-year-old, undependable Kenmore washer, I might consider replacement.

    Bryan transferred me to another department. After holding the line, I spoke with three additional departments. I mentioned I needed to inquire about replacement for this machine since it was unreliable and ‘four-years-old’ with a history of breaking down. Again, I was placed on HOLD!

    Paula was the next agent to service me, telling me that the technician would need to come to the house and determine what was wrong with this machine. I inhaled…exhaled and said, the computer board is out — AGAIN! The machine is doing the same thing it did in July. No power. Nothing!!!

    She listened, told me she understood the frustration, but this was the procedure. She could not order the computer board until the technician determined it was indeed the computer board! I suggested a replacement, she mentioned that ‘she could not do this. All resources have been used.’

    Whatever that means!

    We were trapped in a debate going no where. She did mention that according to the guidelines of the extended warranty, I would need three more appointments to determine this machine had a history of needing repair and would need to be replaced. Yes, you read this correctly, to get a replacement, I would need three more incidents –within a 30-day time frame!

    RIDICULOUS!

    Tuesday afternoon while away from the house, I received an e-mail about a package delivered from UPS. Arriving home, I got the package — from the parts and service dept., College Park, GA. Opening the package I found parts — not a computer board — but something that resembles the front panel of my Kenmore washer — ??? The question is WHO ordered this part? Odds are — it is the wrong part!

    Yesterday when Kevin, the Sears Blue Crew Service Technician arrived, I showed him this box. He responded that since the unit was a ‘stackable unit’ he could do nothing since the repair needed two techs to do the repair. He made a phone call to another tech. No answer! Truly my Black Friday was a wasted day! Nothing was done. No service. No repair. Nothing! Never did he check the machine!

    Before he left, Kevin suggested I needed to phone the Sears Blue Service Crew hotline. He booked ‘the earliest available date to repair the unit — December 11, 2014! He suggested asking about a replacement and he said, if they do not assist you, just hang up and call back! Reluctantly, I agree to this date — what choice did I have? This is the way Sears schedules appointments. On December 11, my washer will be broken for 21 days — THREE WEEKS!

    I phoned the Sears Blue Service Crew hotline, speaking with Laura. Now, this is where this comedy of horrors really gets interesting!

    Laura was kind. Compassionate. I was kind. Frustrated, but still patient and kind. Laura was the first agent I spoke to that shared that a ‘case number for customer solutions was assigned.’ That was news to me! No one even mentioned a case number of customer solutions previously. She placed me on hold – what I call as voice jail. I listened to the music and waited…and waited…to see if Laura could establish a way to get this machine replaced.

    After waiting a bit of time, you’ll never guess what happened! Yes, the phone is transferred back to the hotline. Now, I am speaking with Edna. She wants to inquire about my call. Reluctantly, I start the entire story over again…and then I ask Edna if I could speak with Laura. Oops. She doesn’t know who Laura is! No surprise there!

    Was I speaking to a ghost previously?

    And so, here I go again — sharing all of the incidents. Edna tells me I sound frustrated. “Duh. Wouldn’t you be too?” I ask her. Edna proceeds to lecture me. She also mentioned I should’ve requested two techs since I have a stackable unit. Really? I should mention that Sears has all of those records since I purchased the washer and dryer as a stackable unit — and Sears is the party that stacked it in the beginning upon delivery! Edna could not determine if the scheduled appointment on December 11 was scheduled since it wasn’t on the computer. By now, I am about to explode, so — I hang up.

    I do not know what or how this comedy of errors will end, but I do know I have contacted searshomeservices.com and I plan to post this blog on their site too. I’m hopeful that this comedy of horrors and comedy of errors will end on a positive note. Personally, I am sick of Sears. Once I had total confidence in Sears. After all, Sears was the only place my grandfather would purchase his tools. He reminded me “Craftsmen tools are the best and Sears takes care of their customers.”

    My grandfather would never believe the incidents I have tolerated at Sears Home Services.

    Be advised — my growing number of readers — I will keep you abreast about what happens. Hopefully, I’ll have clean clothes soon!

    Thank you Sears for making my Black Friday a nightmare. A comedy of horrors and a comedy of errors!

  • Sears Continues To Call — Renewal of Warranty???


    Dearest Readers:

    Those of you who read my posts on a regular basis will recall the saga of my Sears issues…remember the issues I had with getting my washing machine repaired. It took over three weeks — almost two weeks JUST to get a technician out to check it to determine I needed a computer board….and then, it took over one week to get the part sent to us for the repair. What a joyous three weeks that was!

    Moving on…Sears phoned me moments ago. This is at least the third time someone has called to remind me I need to purchase a new warranty for my refrigerator.

    DUH!?! I asked the kind telemarketer on the phone what type of IDIOT would I be to purchase a new warranty when it takes Sears over three weeks to repair something? My Julia Sugarbaker demeanor kicked in… I reminded her that IF my refrigerator died, I would probably be told it will be ‘three weeks before we can schedule a technician to check your appliance…– due to the holidays????” That seems to be the apparently scripted response when I call the toll-free number to schedule repairs. I’ve had this history with Sears from the beginning – I’m thinking it could be about two years ago when I first used the Sears appliance repair center.

    I thanked the kind lady for calling but I told her I would be a complete and total idiot to agree to buy another warranty from Sears.

    Can’t help being curious WHEN they will phone me again.

    “Yes…this is Julia Sugarbaker styled “Barbie” and I am so not interested in any warranties from Sears. I’ll take my chances. Besides, I can’t help being a bit curious — IF it takes three weeks to get service on a washing machine, TWICE — just HOW long would it take to get service for a refrigerator. I imagine the entire fridge would smell oh so delightful by the time they arrived. Now I ask you, Sears — why would I be so stupid as to spend my hard-earned money to waste it on Sears Warranties!”

    To quote Julia Sugarbaker — I DON’T THINK SO!

  • Domestic Violence in South Carolina…Will It EVER END???

    Domestic Violence in South Carolina…Will It EVER END???


    Dearest Readers:

    Yesterday, I posted a story related to the book I am working on: “Chattahoochee Child.” The post I published yesterday was written months ago, revised a bit yesterday and published. I suppose the articles I am reading lately, a series from the Post and Courier newspaper titled, “Till Death Do Us Part,” http://www.postandcourier.com/tilldeath/ has really hit home with me. Why? Simple. My mother was a victim, along with my father. For years, I watched both of them brutalizing each other…sometimes with their fists, slaps, and most especially, with their toxic tongues. As the second born child, I stood up to them…unafraid of another slap. I said to myself, “So what if Mommy or Daddy slaps me…it isn’t the first time.”

    Yes, it is true….I grew up in a household where slaps, angry words, and volatile tempers ruled the nest. Instead of praise, we learned at an early age that violence makes a statement. For me, the violence left me cold and alone. There were many times I hovered inside my closet. I covered myself with clothing so no one could find me. When thunder roared from the heavens, I screamed. When lightning flashed, I curled my body tightly into a fetal position, comforting myself because I was so afraid. Never did I share my fears with anyone. After all, the domestic violence brewing inside our home was a ‘family matter.’ No one else wanted to get involved, and so, I remained in the closet. Alone. Afraid. Horrified, especially when I listened to the shouting voices of my mother and father.

    When I started dating, I apologized to my boyfriends…if I was late…if I was too quiet…If I didn’t please the boyfriend. I suppose I had stars in my eyes, wanting to please everyone. I am happy to say, I no longer behave in such a manner. Years later, married for fourteen years, I learned to stand up for myself during a fight with my husband. After he used abusive language, calling me disrespectful names I shall not repeat, I turned towards him…tears dancing inside my eyes, I said, “If you really loved me, you would not disrespect me in such a way. I’m tired of you belittling me. Stop it now!”

    Dumbfounded, my husband glared at me, then he did something totally out of character. He apologized?!?

    I suppose our marriage took a turn for the better on that date, after I finally found the strength to stand tall and not take his verbal abuse any longer. For years, I was blind-sighted to his verbal abuse. After all, when a child grows up with criticism and abuse, that is the only behaviors she expects as an adult.

    Today, our marriage is better…stronger…and when the fits of PTSD escape from my husband’s body language and lips, I find myself speaking a little softer…and much wiser, telling him he needs to apologize to me because I am a worthy, decent and special person. I deserve better. I surprise myself at times — by the courage I have now to stand up and become an advocate for domestic violence…domestic abuse…and verbal abuse. I am so proud that I chose to turn my back on domestic violence and child abuse and not repeat that vicious cycle.

    If you are a victim of domestic abuse or verbal abuse, please — PLEASE find a way to escape. Read the articles on the website, http://www.postandcourier.com/tilldeath/, a series of seven articles worthy of your time. If you are dating someone who is cruel to you, contact – http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/dating-violence-statistics?gclid=CjwKEAjw4PCfBRCz966N9pvJ4GASJAAEdM_KXkD41t_tfyDkHDeVmXwIwmILULyyF6nBN0_atjBskhoCDFXw_wcB or call 1-866-331-9474, text – “loveis” to 22522.

    For women, I found this site — http://www.whbw.org/education/the-stages-of-breaking-away/ — call 1-800-abuse95. Hopefully, if you are a victim, you will have family or friends to turn to. That isn’t always the case. As an advocate against domestic abuse of any type, there have been several times I came to the rescue of a victim. On one occasion, the abuser threatened to hit me, if I didn’t shut my mouth. I moved closer to him, daring him to hit me! Much to my surprise “Brutus” turned away, stopping the abuse. Later, this couple divorced.

    I suppose these articles touched me in ways I never anticipated. Perhaps bringing back the memories of how I stood between my parents — serving as their referee from the age of five-years-old until I was fifteen. Yes, it is easier to lock those memories away, but I cannot. I have too much passion to do what I can to stop domestic violence…domestic abuse…or whatever titles the ‘good ole boys’ call it. I do not believe that a woman belongs in the home, or two steps behind a man, and I do not believe that a woman is a man’s property. I detest those types of comments and when I hear them — let’s just say — my Julia Sugarbaker charisma kicks in. Just the other evening someone said something demeaning about women and when I heard it — I stood my ground and let him have it! He called me a feminist. I replied, “Yes…thank you for the compliment. I am a feminist and I am proud to stand tall as a feminist. Any questions?”

    Please, if you know someone who is dying inside from domestic violence…do not turn away. Encourage them to get help. If you live in South Carolina — well, let’s just say — our state is still behind the times…antiquated. Let us make some noise to get our legislators to awaken — to end domestic violence…Welcome to the State of South Carolina — Number One in Domestic Violence. My…ain’t we proud?!?

    Please love yourself by remembering — to love — you must first love yourself!

    1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
    (New King James Version)
    Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

  • PTSD, Lack of Medical Care, and Blue Water Navy Dioxin Exposure The Emotional Wars Necessary to Wake Up the VA


    After my marriage to a soldier, I was blissful of our future life together. Kissing him goodbye at the Charleston, South Carolina Airport I was fearful of what he would be like when he returned, or what would happen to me, if he did not make it home. Young and excited, I believed the military practiced their belief of taking care of their own. When I arrived at R&R in Hawaii, nine months after he departed, I was informed I had to attend an orientation before his arrival. I was told that he might overreact over something as silly as leaving the toilet seat up, or forgetting to place the lid back on the toothpaste. I needed to know how to respond. After all, he was in a war zone, seeing things that most Americans did not see normally, and I needed to know how to care for him. One year and five days after he left for Vietnam, I was completely surprised when no one contacted me to see how I was adjusting with my soldier husband home. Unlike Army Wives, I did not receive any type of family support. Never did either of us get a phone call or a referral to his reentry into a normal life. Never did anyone ask me how he was doing after fighting in a war zone. Our life as husband and wife finally began in Fort Gordon, GA where I witnessed flashbacks, irritability, and night rages where he choked me while shouting in Vietnamese language. When I encouraged him to get some help, his reply was an angry, “It don’t mean nothing.” Little did I know my husband was suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with the side effects of Agent Orange.

    Flash-forward to 2009.

    The war in Vietnam ended April 30, 1975. I remember watching the stories on the local news, while feeding our child, now three years old. My husband never expressed his feelings over the war ending. He simply rose from the table and walked away. I heard, “It don’t mean nothing,” again. Never did I understand the chill of those words until I slipped into a deep depression over the wrongs of my marriage. Suddenly it seemed my husband was an angry man. He spat off into bitter rages, shouting at me, telling me I should be ‘seen and not heard.’ He wanted me to be the happy homemaker, not the actress, singer, or writer I desired to be. I shouted at him, unable to understand why our marriage was falling apart. He blamed me – for everything. Our fights were my fault. Our finances, and our tight budget, were my fault. The car breaking down – my fault. The lack of intimacy was my fault. Defeated, I crawled into a shell. Why couldn’t my husband understand, I needed more than wife or mommy, I needed a life that was fulfilling, not just domestic. Our fights continued as he demanded that I quit work and focus only on him and our son. Defeated, I granted his wishes while the anger was brewing inside of me. In early 1980, I read an article in a magazine, describing how many Vietnam Veterans had returned to America, only to become angry. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was the culprit and it was destroying the lives of the Vietnam Veteran. The marriages of the Vietnam era were falling apart, with only 1% surviving. We, my husband and I, were 1%, and we were crumbling.

    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] became a household name in the early 1980’s. As the wife of a former military man and a veteran, I was compelled to learn all I could about it. On one occasion I told my husband I suspected he had PTSD. He denied it, telling me our problems were all because of me and my independence. Yes, I was a feminist, and the longer I lived with him, the more defiant I became to make my own way. Nevertheless, I did not have the courage to end our marriage and I stayed with him because I loved him and I was afraid he would not survive without me.

    In early 2000, he met a Vietnam Veteran on the golf course. Together, they bonded as brothers. With the acceptance of their friendship, my husband has recognized the behaviors he battles daily are a reflection of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He met with a representative of Veterans Affairs in 2001 or 2002, and is still battling to get the benefits he was promised. PTSD is his daily battle and there are times he actually wants to run away from himself. If only the VA could live with him for one week they would understand how painful his emotional wounds are. If only the VA could hold him during the flashbacks. In many ways, my soldier husband is still in Vietnam, never to return. On one occasion my husband met with a VA rep only to be told, and I quote, “It doesn’t help your case that you are still with your first wife.” When my husband expressed his comment to me, I was outraged, wanting the name, phone number, and contact information. My husband did not share it with me, but I can certainly educate others into the scenarios I discover.

    Recently, I became involved with non-profit groups that desires to wake up Congress and fulfill the promises made to Veterans. In March 2008, my husband traveled to Columbia, SC to appeal a decision from the VA. Now, he is told his file is in Washington, still awaiting a decision. My concern is not just for my husband, but for all veterans. Just how long does it take for a veteran to get the physical, emotional, mental, and monetary care he or she needs so life can return to normalcy I recognize there is a multitude of complaints that must be addressed by Congress or the Veterans Affairs, especially in 2014 with all of the complaints finally coming to the surface. My mission is to write about these scenarios and to share with my readers. When called to duty, to service America and its freedom, our Veterans stood tall, fought the battles, and now when needing our service the most, the VA ignores, or procrastinates to service their needs. This is a disgrace to all serving in the military.

    PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

    VA Physicians are being instructed to deny or misdiagnose PTSD, or they are simply ignoring the signs, over medicating or improperly medicating, and simply not even looking into alternative ways of dealing with PTSD. Many Veterans are left to feel as if no one cares, or no one listens to their symptoms. Instead of listening, or asking probing questions, the medical practitioner prescribes a drug and it appears that the VA has a drug for every ailment. We as Americans must take a stand to service and understand our soldiers and Veterans, not simply remove their weapons, dust them off, and refer them to another source of treatment, or someone else at the VA. We must learn to listen and stop the habit of prescribing drugs for every ailment. Veterans are not pin cushions or guinea pigs. We promised our Veterans benefits, freedom, and a better life, not simply prescribed drugs by doctors who react by overwriting prescriptions, instead of listening to their emotional ailments. Is this the way the VA strives to help our Veterans? Just simply prescribing a drug in hopes the Veteran will feel better in the morning? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] is described as an ‘emotional illness’ and it was not recognized as PTSD until the 1980’s when the American Psychiatric Association recognized it as such, according to the website, http://www.psychiatric-disorders.com. PTSD leaves no visible scars, only the emotional scars that will remain forever inside the mind of the war veteran. PTSD leaves a stigma attached to it. To those who do not understand this ailment, the looks, discriminations, and lack of compassion leaves the Veteran with a lack of understanding of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the wounds of it. While it is true, the wounds are embedded within the mind, the wounds are so obvious to those of us who love the Veteran suffering with PTSD; and we strive to do all we can to make their life more productive and pleasant. We need the VA to do the same.

    President Obama has said: “We have a sacred trust with those who wear the uniform of the United States of America, a commitment that begins with enlistment and must never end.”

    You, as Americans, and politicians of a free society, do have a moral, ethical, and Patriotic obligation to provide benefits and care, regardless of the costs involved! Our government has a moral, ethical, and Patriotic obligation to care for those who did the job others failed to do, or the many millions of Americans who chose to escape the effects, physical ailments, illnesses, and emotional wounds of war. Freedom is not free; it comes with a price tag. Veterans paid a gigantic price, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Only a war veteran can comprehend how that price was paid for in full by our military and war veterans, along with their spouses and children! The price they paid for their devotion to their freedom does not have a monetary amount and it could be considered priceless since the effects of war leave so many emotional and physical scars that cannot be repaired. The price our war veterans paid was distributed in full with blood, sweat and many tears.

    Isn’t it about time Congress, the President, and the Veterans Affairs actually stood tall and paid that bill? Isn’t it time to help our wounded warriors, including those who suffer with PTSD, lack of medical care and improperly cleaned or sterilized equipment, and Blue Water Navy Dioxin Exposure, along with the emotional scars, to be compensated? The actions of Congress and the actions and policies of the VA seem to express so loud and clear that it would have been far better had our men and women not served or died at war than to suffer the denials, the schemes, shenanigans, and the maltreatment provided by the government of the United States. Let us all make a bit of noise with our Congress and all lawmakers. Send a copy of this article to those in your community, along with those who represent your home front. Isn’t it time our Veterans were treated with respect and dignity? Isn’t it time we welcomed them home and gave them the benefits promised, without the emotional war they must battle now, just to get those benefits? The choice is yours. You must decide.

    Barbie Perkins-Cooper is an awarding winning writer who loves the journey and exploration of travel, health, and hospitality. She is the proud wife of a Vietnam Veteran and works full-time as an editorial photojournalist. She has published numerous articles and photographs for regional, health and beauty and travel publications including the Travel Channel, New York Daily News and Buick Magazine.

  • No One to Blame But Me — At Weight Watchers

    No One to Blame But Me — At Weight Watchers


    Dearest Readers:

    I confess, today is my weigh in day at Weight Watchers, only I am not going today. I’ve decided it is in my best interest to remain at home today — moping…groaning…arguing with myself…I’m certain you get the picture, especially IF you are working hard to lose weight. This week hasn’t been a user-friendly week for me, and I’ve managed to eat foods I shouldn’t have, along with birthday cake. Yes, I know, I have no one to blame but myself! I am the one who lifted the fork into my mouth and ate those foods, and I am truly (almost physically except it hurts to do this) beating my head against a brick wall for being such a weakling! According to my scales, I’ve gained four pounds this week — since Tuesday of this week.

    Allow me to explain…This week, combined with the latter part of last week, have been the weeks from Hell for me. Too much stress…too many disappointments… If you recall from my postings in June and earlier this month, I posted the details of the lack of appropriate customer service from the scheduling department of Sears. The week of June 26 was an extremely demanding and busy week for me and when I finally found the time to do laundry, I loaded the colored clothing, placed the detergents and fabric softeners in the appropriate slots, only to discover my front loading Kenmore washer would not power up. I checked the fuse box, other areas that I knew to check, and phoned Sears. To make a long, pressurized story short, the earliest they could get a technician out was July 8. I was furious! I was told, and I quote, “we are overbooked due to the holidays.” Duh???!!!??? Did I HEAR the voice correctly? I ask you, just WHO plans for the scheduling of a repair due to the holidays? The first party I spoke with had one of those accents from India, or somewhere similar. Seems she offered to ‘walk me through some diagnostic testing?”

    Are you not listening, India? The washer will not power up. I do have common sense and my common sense tells me that IF the machine is not powering up, a diagnostic test cannot be completed! Do I need an engineering degree just to operate a Kenmore front loading washer? ‘I don’t think so!’

    Sears must think I’m stupid! I’m not. Julia Sugarbaker reborn? Perhaps!

    After the incident with Sears I went online, finding the Blue Team at Sears where I could send an e-mail. Ha. Ha! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

    Yes, I sent an e-mail. I am not certain of the contents, but let us just say, my Julia Sugarbaker style kicked in — BIG TIME. A customer service rep from Sears phoned me, assuring me that when an earlier opening arrived, a service technician would phone me, and he did. I think he came to the house on July 1. I recognized him since he was the technician that repaired this same washer a few years back. Apparently the problem is the computer panel. As you all must know — EVERYTHING is computerized now so what once was a simple repair job is now a complete rehaul of the repair. A new computer panel was ordered. It arrived this Monday, July 7. The technician is scheduled to repair the washer tomorrow, July 11. It has been three weeks since I’ve been blessed to do laundry at home. I’m getting into the groove of going to the laundromat now. Fortunately, the laundromats in my neighborhood have been upgraded, so the characters I saw the last time I had the joy of visiting a laundromat no longer exist. Thank you, God!

    Last week simply wasn’t my week. After Weight Watchers, I had lunch with friends and decided to complete birthday shopping for my husband. We were having storms and one thing retail outlets can count on is when it is raining like it does in Charleston, SC, people LOVE TO SHOP! Customers were coming out of the woodwork! After leaving Towne Centre, I started home, noticing a car so close behind me I could not see the headlights of the vehicle. Of course you can imagine what happened. When I stopped, so did she — right into my bumper. Fortunately, it was a minor fender bender; however, my bumper has a few deep scratches, so we called the police. I reported the accident to the insurance company and now I await their phone calls. I suppose I could continue listing the events of this week too, but it isn’t necessary. Just know, I need a break, and so today, after fighting with myself and shedding a tear or two, I decided to miss my meeting.

    I forgot to mention yesterday. I went to a friend’s house to rehearse our songs for our show this weekend. After our fun rehearsal, we went to the pool and swam and soaked up a few rays. I was wearing my Fitbit One. It isn’t waterproof! I slipped (by accident) into the pool and ruined my Fitbit One. I have it drying out in a bowl of rice, but so far — nothing. Dead. What a week!

    Repeatedly I have reminded myself that no one placed the food in my mouth. No one force fed me at all. My husband wanted to have his birthday dinner at P. F. Chang’s — one of my favorite places to dine. After looking up their entrees on Weight Watchers etools, I realized I should not eat one bite, but I did. Add to that, the birthday cake, and I recognize I am headed for self-destruction.

    Nevertheless, today is a new day. Yes, the scale tipped upward of four pounds, but my new treadmill (Nordic Track) is laughing at me as I write this, so I must gather my thoughts to close this, turn on “Designing Women” and get moving!

    I am so hopeful next week will be the beginning of a new and better, happier, less stressful week. And now, I am hopping on Nordy! Have a great week!

  • Happy Fourth of July 2014

    Happy Fourth of July 2014


    Dearest Readers:

    Today is one of the busiest party, barbecue and fireworks events for the United States of America. I would like to take a moment from our busy lives to thank those who have fought so bravely to keep America free so that we, the citizens, may enjoy our Independence Day.

    Many in America complain about our politicians and our leadership, and I have certainly been guilty of complaining that America needs LEADERSHIP. Unfortunately, we do not appear to have strong leadership now. It is sad — so sad.

    Nevertheless, today is the day to stand up, wave our flags, wear our red, white and blue, and appreciate our freedoms.

    Let us remember all of our soldiers — from all of the wars. Without their sacrifices, we would not be able to wear our colors, or fly our flags, or voice our opinions.

    So, I say THANK YOU! May we all enjoy this beautiful day. Originally, Hurricane Arthur threatened the coast of Charleston, SC; however, like the tides, the weather changed and today the sun shines brightly, beating down with warmth while we eat hamburgers, hot dogs, watermelons and other items we should be cautious about.

    I hope all of you will enjoy the Fourth of July. Please take a moment to say thank you to God, and to thank our military. May we always be blessed to enjoy the red, white and blue!

    Happy Independence Day!

  • Undoubtedly, the Week From Hell…

    Undoubtedly, the Week From Hell…


    Dearest Readers:

    Undoubtedly, this has been the week from Hell for me, starting with my washing machine breaking last week, unable to get customer service from Sears in a timely manner – that is, until the ‘two B’s in my name’ were revealed. Isn’t it shameful that in the United State of America customer service is outsourced to India, China – and who knows where else! When I phoned Sears to request service, I was transferred four times. Yes, I said FOUR TIMES! Each time, I had to re-communicate EVERYTHING all over again, and again. Finally, I asked IF they needed a blood sample! If I appear a bit frustrated, well – you get the picture. I am not described as a Steel Magnolia for being a sweet little Southern Belle. No, not me!

    So, this week from Hell continued. At least Sears got word of my frustrations – I suppose after I posted on a social media site that appears to have a bit of clout attached to it – Yes, Facebook, and I posted on my Blog, and I managed to send an e-mail to Sears Blue Team. Well, let’s just say, a kind, soft-spoken man named John assisted me – even providing a case number. To make the epistle with Sears a bit of a short story, John managed to get a service technician out on Tuesday. The next chapter of my washing machine repair is – my washer needs a new computer panel, mother board, or whatever the description for it is – regardless, the blessed machine does not work and it will probably be until the 11th of July, or later before the new board arrives. Such is my life! I suppose in my neighborhood I could be described as the Drama Queen, or the neighborhood B—-! I’ll allow my neighbors to describe me!

    Moving on this week, I managed to get some laundry done, after my husband volunteered to assist me. Bless his heart! This nice consideration from someone who is not domesticated at all. Heck, he still cannot turn on the oven or the burners, and the last time I asked him to check the laundry to see if the load washing was finished, he returned to tell me it was still washing. I have a stackable unit with the dryer on top. I asked him where did you check. His reply – ‘the light on top was still on. Isn’t that the washer?’ Sometimes men just don’t get it – do they? At least yesterday he helped load the dirty laundry – now two weeks’ worth, and he helped me get it done! Silly guy!

    Today, I thought was a new day. Today is my Weight Watchers weigh-in day. Unfortunately, this chick has gained .06 of a pound – for the millionth time. I seem to behave like a rubber ball. Bouncy…bouncy…back and forth! Inches, well, they are falling off, but the scales all but laugh at me. After our meeting I had lunch with two friends from Weight Watchers. Today is a hurricane day in Charleston. Hurricane Arthur keeps blowing in the wind, so since I was at the Towne Centre, I decided to shop for my husband’s birthday gift. Rushing from store to store, and from rain band to rain band, I completed my shopping thrilled that I had my husband’s birthday all taken care of. Hopping in the car, I noticed a line of traffic. If you’ve ever been to Charleston, you will know, when it rains, people come from out of the woodwork – to shop. And the majority of the drivers stuck in the traffic are in a hurry, so they choose to all but attach to your bumper. The girl driving behind my car for blocks was all but attached. I could not even see her head lights! As traffic crawled along, cars ahead of me were stopping, so I tapped my break to stop. After I stopped, I heard breaks squealing and a crash! Yep, the little lady behind me chose to finally attach to my bumper!

    After phoning the police and filing the police reports, I am finally home – and I think I will just find a good book and go take a nap. After all, I am safe at home. Incidentally, the only damage on my car is the bumper, and the contributor to the collision was the little lady – not me.

    Maybe I’ll remain home the rest of the day. I think it is safer. What a day…what a hellacious week! And now, I have a headache!

    I hope next week at Weight Watchers I will have a good week.

    Happy Independence Day, USA!

  • The Saga of Laundry Day at Sears…


    Making certain I am posting this on my site, and not Sears. After I posted on their site, they responded — almost immediately — giving me a case number, saying someone would get back with me and they reprimanded me a bit. Oh well. I shall be nice! Yes, I received a phone call about 45 minutes ago while working out. Someone from Sears (and I am writing their names down now) is checking to see IF they can get someone out here earlier — before July 8. Now tell me, why does it take becoming a bit of a ‘nasty girl’ to get your point across in the USA to get decent customer service? Why must I activate my Julia Sugarbaker style just to get a bit of customer service? I ask you — WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CUSTOMER SERVICE IN AMERICA? I remember as a child, my grandparents only purchased appliances, tools, sewing machines and other items at Sears. When Papa’s Craftsman tools broke, he simply walked into the store and got a brand new one. No questions asked. No receipts necessary. Shouldn’t stores, such as Sears practice those habits now, or has Corporate America REALLY TAKEN OVER? It shall be interesting just to see how long it takes to get my washer repaired. I have a stack of laundry piling up — one weeks worth to be exact. By July 8, it will be three weeks of laundry. So unbelievable. Whatever happened to customer service in the country of the United States of America? — feeling determined.