Barbie Perkins-Cooper, Author

I suppose I will start writing all of these phone calls down…I am definitely getting tired of my phone ringing, almost off the hook. Yesterday, we had about six phone calls from telemarketers. Today, I have answered the phone four times at 10am Eastern Time. Only one call was from my husband, the rest — the bloody telemarketers.

I’ve won a free cruise. Joy! I’ve won a free alarm system for my home. Joy Two! I’ve won a free recipe book. Joy Three! I have a library filled with cook books. Don’t need anymore! Another phone call was from a fraternity for police officers. They are non-profit, so they are exempt from the Do Not Call List.

We signed up for the Do Not Call List when it was developed. Every year, I upgrade our phone numbers on the list, and still I get this idiotic phone calls. I’ve been diplomatic. I’ve been firm, and on many occasions, my Julia Sugarbaker style kicks in. Oh, and I must not forget the thousands of phone calls from “Rachel.” The conversation is an automated one where she states something to the effect of:

“Hi this is Rachel. This is my final phone call to you to let you know you can save money on your credit cards. Now don’t hang up…”

I’ve blocked her number. What does idiotic Rachel do? She uses a different number and almost daily I get a phone call from Rachel! I want to choke Rachel!

Just what do we, as consumers who are sick and damned tired of these revolting, annoying phone calls do? Yesterday, when I answered a friendly voice responded, “Hi. My name is…”

I interrupted her. “Oh, let me guess. You are a telemarketer telling me about an exciting cruise, or an alarm system, or a lower credit card rate…So tell me…not that I really care, but WHAT IS YOUR NAME?”

She hung up. I suppose she got the message. My husband heard that conversation, telling me I was so rude. I turned towards him.

“That’s it. Next time the phone rings, you can answer it! I’m done with these idiotic, rude, and just a little too friendly and pushy telemarketers! Have at it, Phil. You can fall for their tricks of the trade.”

The phone rang six times that day. I think Phil got the message…He doesn’t jump to answer the phone anymore and neither do I!

Hello, Rachel…I’m certain I’ll hear from you again, only this time — I have a nice message for you! May the sun set and may you lose the ability to ever speak or dial a phone number ever again! Of course, I’m not stupid or naive enough to believe that Rachel is a real person. She is an automated voice recording and I hope and pray that soon Rachel will be retired — FOREVER!

So much for the Do Not Call List!