Barbie Perkins-Cooper, Author

Dearest Readers:

All of my life I have experienced situations with — and I USE the term loosely — “Friends.” I consider friendships something to be cherished — the chosen few — the friend we stand by through thick and thin. If you read my blog regularly you will know I have written about friendships many times; nevertheless, never have I discussed backstabbing friends. Not until now. I suppose recent assignments have got me thinking.

Have you ever experienced backstabbing friends? You know the type — in front of a crowd, they hug and kiss and pretend to be such good friends…Turn your back and you can almost feel the knife twisting inside of you. I have always thought backstabbing friends are filled with insecurities. When they criticize you with hurt and discontent, yes, it does hurt — but only for a while. My theory has always been when I am your friend, I am loyal to you. I trust you. I believe we are friends because God has a purpose for us. However, if you become vicious, let’s just say — I have no use for this type of friendship.

I’ve been wrong many times, and now, I am skeptical of friendship relationships. I keep to myself most of the time, simply because I do not need backstabbing friendships — AT ALL! Good friends — we all need good friends, just not the poisonous back stabbers!

You might be curious as to the definition of backstabbing friends. Who they are. What they are…and Why? In a nutshell — backstabbing friends are indeed insecure. Ridiculing you — behind YOUR back makes them feel equal. Powerful — in all reality — they are powerless. Perhaps they do not understand how vindictive, deceitful, conniving and UGLY they really are. They have loose tongues…and when they see you coming…suddenly, they retreat. Yes, they will whisper…Yes, they will pretend and when you turn your back — the game is on.

Backstabbing friends are users. They will pretend to have the upper hand, hoping you will share your secrets with them…and if you do share — trust me — those secrets are spread like a California wildfire!

I’ve dealt with backstabbing friendships in the Corporate World too, finding them the most destructive.

Today, I am proud to say, I do have many friends; nevertheless, only a few close ‘best friends.’ My best friends know who they are so I will not reveal their identity here. Never have I shared secrets with anyone — not even my husband. I suppose I am from the old school – ethics and morals taught to me by my amazing grandmother. She always said I should be pretty on the outside — but beautiful and Godly on the inside. “Never reveal secrets to anyone,” she said…and “NEVER break those secrets shared. Be kind to others and never do unto others what you wouldn’t have done to you.”

My grandmother was an incredible, soft-spoken woman. Living in a mill village, she was the therapist lots of people would come to — to vent — to cry…and sometimes, just to scream. Highly religious, she taught Sunday School and Vacation Bible School in the Pentecostal churches, and she practiced her beliefs and faith in her daily life. She never turned anyone away and when I asked her why the people came to her she always smiled and said, “She has a burden we needed to lift.” No explanation of what was stewing, just words of wisdom. Many times I was curious as to how nice, caring and angelic my maternal grandmother was, compared to my mother. Now that I am just a bit wiser, I realize my mother chose to be more like my maternal grandfather — backstabbing friends — only these were blood relatives. It is a bit difficult to turn away from them!

Dealing With Backstabbers

How do I deal with backstabbing friends? Normally, I kill them with kindness, and then — I STEP AWAY!  The highest compliment is to prove by your actions and your diplomacy how kind and diplomatic you can be — even when the enemy is nearby. Suppose I forgot to mention — backstabbing friends are enemies…and you’ve probably heard the cliche about enemies… “Keep your friends close — YOUR ENEMIES closer.” And that is how I deal with them. I might speak. I might laugh, and I might compliment — while watching them with a careful eye. Getting close again — not on your life!

I refuse to resort to the destructive tactics of backstabbers. I am cool…calm…and collected… If these backstabbers invite me to an outing, my calendar is always full…after all, I have stories to write, important things to do.

I prefer to keep my private life – PRIVATE! Once betrayed by a backstabber, never do I trust them again.

I simply do not need passive-aggressive, backstabbing people in my inner circle of friends; after all, I lived with a mother who was passive-aggressive, almost bi-polar and meaner than the most vicious snake one could ever meet.

Backstabbers cut like a knife, and I imagine they are extremely lonely people. After all, living well, being happy and complete within yourself — well — to me it is priceless!

Think I’ll continue being a fair weather friend. After all, I am horrified of thunder and lightning. I don’t need all of that drama from untrusting, cruel people.

Backstabber friends — just stay away! I have bridges to cross…journeys to take…and much life to live!

 

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/b/backstabbing_friends_and_co-workers.aspx